Who Pays on the First Date?

Ah, first dates. The excitement, anticipation, dread, hope, the inevitable surprises. It's a crazy world out there! And to complicate matters, there's the bill at the end.

In this day and age the situation surrounding the check is very sticky and must be played just right. It's not only a matter of who pays; it's very telling and important who offers to pay, offers to split it, insists on paying or splitting it, and in what manner and tone of voice such offers or insistings occur.

Some people--males and females alike--believe the man should always pick up the tab on the first date. Of course if you are a lesbian or gay couple this perspective is moot. But for many people it is expected, appreciated, and it's often an easy solution.

Then there's another common rule of thumb: whoever does the asking out does the paying. A slight twist might be whoever plans the date does the paying. After all, if you invite someone out and plan even a moderately expensive night out, it's not polite to expect the other person to pay no matter their gender.

So how do you decide?

If the man does the asking/planning, then it's pretty simple: he should pay. Ladies, you should at least offer, especially if you want to be asked out again. If you fully expect him to pay and don't mind letting him know, just smile sweetly when he picks up the bill and say "Thank you so much; I really enjoyed this." If you want to make sure he knows you aren't a high maintenance traditionalist, say "Thanks so much; I really appreciate it. I'll get it next time." [insert flirtatious smile when referring to "next time"] Note: This works whether or not you're actually intending for there to be a next time. If you are a devoted feminist then simply insist on splitting the check.

If the female does the asking/planning, she should be fully expect to pay and promply pick up the check as soon as it's placed. If your date protests you should say "I insist. I invited you!" If they counter-insist, you can say "You can plan the next date" if in fact you plan on seeing him again. If you don't plan on seeing him again, you might as well at least let him pay half. :-) There will be some men who will absolutely insist, in which case I advise letting him pay. If you're a traditionalist, consider yourself lucky that you found a kindred spirit; if you're not, still let him pay (he probably wants to express his gratitude that you took the pressure off him and asked him out), but tell him you won't take no for an answer next time.

In cases of the first date I really don't think either person's income, assets, or lack thereof should be any part of the decision. What do you think???