Making Connections: Business vs Pleasure

Networking, socializing, making contacts. Going out, flirting, dating.

Though all these verbs involve interacting with others, exchanging ideas, and making connections, each has a slightly different connotation. In practice, however, the activities these words represent can overlap.

It's usually difficult to draw a hard line between socializing and networking, for instance. The most successful individuals generally make sure the two overlap. But it can also be difficult to draw the line between flirting and networking in certain circumstances, which can consequently blur the line between dating and a professional lunch/dinner meeting.

The location of the activity and the demographic of the people present is a primary indicator of what principal activity is probably going on.

In general:

• Industry gathering during daylight hours? Networking.


• College type bar at midnight on a Saturday? Flirting.


• A quick lunch at a cafe between associates? Business meeting.


• A lengthy dinner at a restaurant with drinks involved between recently acquainted individuals? Dating.

But oh, the extensive middle ground.

Sometimes the location and demographic of people leave room for a variety of different activities. Friday evening, for instance, I went to dinner with a group of friends/colleagues (we all work in the same industry, but one girl and I were friends in college first), and we followed it up at a nearby hotel bar - an upscale locale frequented by wealthy/professional people. In other words the place is perfect for networking, but it's also frequented by people looking to find a date.

I had quite an interesting social weekend along these fine lines. I'll share my experiences in an effort to give some examples of the complications - and fun - that can arise when you're trying to, well, meet people.

Connection #1
At the above-referenced hotel bar, I ran into an acquaintance who was out with a slightly older, foreign looking business associate. I began talking with the man, and we exchanged all the usual "where are you from, what do you do" pleasantries. He's just moved here from NYC to launch his new company, he works with all sorts of high net worth investors, etc. My first instinct was "Oh, this guy could be a great contact and potential referral source for me."

He promptly insisted on buying me a drink (we met standing at the bar waiting to order). No big deal, but had I truly been interested only in business (which I was), I should have probably insisted on getting my own. But considering his culture (and my own - we are in TX here), the fact that it was Friday night, and not to mention the price of drinks there, I simply thanked him.

We continued to talk mostly business, and it was pleasant and interesting conversation. He practically offered me a job and gave me his company website to check out. I told him I was happy where I was but joked that if he wanted to double my salary then I couldn't swear I wouldn't consider it.

Then he began nervously dropping unnecessary anecdotes of his travels and business deals that were obviously meant to impress me in a non-professional way. Then he complimented my dress. And then I started anxiously wondering where my friends had gone. I soon found them and said goodbye (though later he found me and invited me to go with him and my friend to a very upscale, semi-private lounge. I politely but decidedly refused).

Follow Up: I gave him my business contact info (no cell number) before his flirting became so unabashed, but I doubt he'll contact me. I couldn't find the website URL he gave me on his company anyway, and so I don't really care either way.

Connection #2
I found my group and continued to socialize - and drink. My "group" at this point consisted of my good friend, her boyfriend, and a (cute) single guy they both work with who I'd met on several prior occassions. It was around midnight at this point.

We began chatting about work, and I found out he'd just moved into a new division of his bank. He's now responsible for selling the REO properties they've forclosed on. I confessed my real estate investing interest, and let him know I'd be interested in considering a purchase. I also offered to hook him up with my realtor who mostly deals in selling foreclosures right now.

We got into a more personal discussion of how I became interested in real estate, and at one point he blurted "I think I'm in love with you!" I laughed, and a few minutes later he repeated the sentiment. And so the flirting began. What can I say, I'm a sucker for cute guys who think smart is sexy.

The rest of the night leaned much more heavily towards flirting than business, and we all literally closed down the bar. He drove the four of us home (it was just a few blocks; we all live in the same area), and I might have ended up engaging in an extended good night kiss with him. Which is great - but it makes it a little awkward to try to initiate a business meeting at this point.

Follow Up: I don't know if he has my number, though he could get it from our mutual friends if he really wants it. I'm not sure that he will, given that he'd be asking for it at work several days after the fact. This may end up being one of those things we laugh about (or repeat?) whenever we interact socially, and I am going to just wait and see. This connection has obviously taken a more personal turn, and I won't follow up about the business stuff unless he initiates it.

Connection #3
Saturday night I met two of my girlfriends at a local bar. It's a laid back place with a big patio for socializing outside and, on the weekends, a DJ and makeshift dance floor inside. My friend's on again off again boyfriend just got a new roommate, who I began chatting with. He's a self-employed personal trainer, but he mentioned that he renovates houses on the side.

Of course at that point I perked up. I'd just had a meeting with my realtor about maybe buying another rental, and he'd told me that what most of his clients are doing now is getting into rundown homes (usually foreclosures) at hugely discounted prices, doing the repair work, and selling or refinancing for a huge upside. The market's allegedly flooded with opportunities, but I'd turned him down because a) I can't do the rehab and b) I don't have the time/energy/knowledge to deal with contractors. I relayed all of this.

Then he got excited. He and his partner have redone 7 houses, but they are looking for an investor because neither of them has the credit nor capital to actually buy the houses. They are willing to cover all debt service and do all renovations and wait for payout at sale/refinance. We eagerly talked business for over an hour.

We also continued to drink. I found my friends on the dance floor, and eventually the guys (her BF and Connection #3) joined us. Things started to get a little hot and heavy (by my standards at least). At one point I flat out said to him "if we're going to do business together, you probably shouldn't be flirting with me so much." Of course, I said it flirtatiously, which defeated the purpose.

By the end of the night it was a coin toss whether he was more excited about the prospect of getting a business partner or of getting me to go home with him (the latter of which I had to tell him repeatedly wasn't going to happen).

Follow Up: I ended up leaving suddenly because I saw my ride headed out the door, and I bolted after them. He'd given me his business card earlier (pre-flirting), and I emailed him this morning to follow up on our business discussion (after a brief apology for leaving without saying goodbye on Saturday). I told him I'd gotten a message from my realtor and was going to meet with him this week to discuss what a typical partnership agreement would look like in this sort of case. I asked him to let me know if he's still interested. I have a feeling we're both excited enough about the investment potential to overlook (or circumvent?) any personal connection.

Business vs Work
I occurs to me that these situations all involved aspects of networking that do not have to do with my actual job. As I posted previously in You Can't Be Sexy and Professional, it's important to draw a distinct line between the two at the office.

Similarly, If I were trying to get to know a potential client for my bank, I would never dance suggestively with him/her or engage in any type of kissing (see connection #1). But seeing as my real estate investing is, to me, a personal matter more than anything - and because the connections involved (#2 & #3) were also young, attractive singles looking firstly to have a good time (it was late night on the weekend in both cases), I had no problem with things leaning more towards "sexy" than "professional."

But if I'm going to be going out like this more often, I need to nail down a hard set of personal rules or things could get out of control (and by "things," I mean my reputation).