Accept, Embrace, Respect Your Wealthy Family

I'm humbled and a little embarrassed by my family's openness and generosity with regard to money. I wrote here about the annual exclusion gifts I receive and how I have benefitted from them.

In addition both sets of grandparents are generous with Christmas and Birthday presents and enjoy bringing family members on trips to places like Europe and Las Vegas.

In the last year, however, my wealthy family's generosity has extended even beyond all this to include intrafamily loans as well. My grandfather lent me the downpayment for a duplex last year so that I wouldn't have to tap my liquidity at a market low. And just this week he's offered a second intrafamily loan so that I could make another aquisition.

This isn't unusual in my family; both sets of grandparets have lent their offspring money to buy real estate, build businesses, etc. But I wasn't looking for another handout - goodness knows they have already given me more than enough to make a go of it. I was still trying to internally claim I'd done all this on my own - albiet with just a bit of extra start up money in the bank.

But that's never been true. I didn't know it, but it was because of my grandparents that I got to do - and learn - a lot of things growing up. They put money aside diligently and evenly every year for each of the grandchildren so that there was enough for each of us to go to private school, summer camps, any college, study abroad, graduate school if we chose, etc.

I also now know that they also began giving annual gift exclusions to each of my parents soon after I was born, which have continued to this day. That means that in 2008 my parents each received $24,000 from my grandparents, completely tax free. Obviously our lifestyle growing up - family vacations, extracurriculars, Christmas presents, etc - was very much affected (and inflated) by my grandparents' success and generosity.

Accept It
In theory, I don't want to rely on my family in order to invest, spend, or maintain a certain lifestyle - but I do. I always have, I probably always will (what with continual annual gifts and a likely inheritance down the road somewhere).

There is no escaping this, or trying to claim I would have been a certain way with or without it. I grew up in a relatively wealthy family (though certainly nowhere near the level of household names like Hilton or Kennedy), and that changes a person. My perspective, values, and habits around money have been affected forever. I might as well not try to deny it, nor should I totally ignore it like some in my family do. Instead I need to embrace that reality - and respect it.

Embrace It
I consider it my obligation and a blessing to use my resources to help others and attempt to positively impact our society. That means saving, investing, building buisinesses, and employing others. It means being involved in the local community, serving on boards, being a part of the political process.

It also means giving not just money but also time and effort to those in need. It doesn't mean throwing money at problem areas of our society in order to feel good or get a tax break. It means using my education and money to research, understand, educate, and enable those in need.

Respect It
I intend to use my resources to honor those who worked hard for them. That means not squandering them, and to me it also means not using them for any purpose that my family wouldn't approve of. In my case this might mean starting a "shady" business, buying a too-expensive car, using drugs, or choosing not to work.

And it means making sure I retain and pass on the humble values, work ethic and lifestyle that put my family on the road to success in the firt place.