An Interesting Brand of Sexism

I have lately been prompted to think critically about an interesting new blend of sexism and sexual harassment. It is an interesting and relativley new phenomenon that I am sure many women deal with, react to, and participate in on a regular basis.

SEXISM
Sexism can take many forms and is firstly defined as "discrimination based on gender, especially discrimination against women." A more general, secondary definition is "attitudes, conditions, or behaviors that promote stereotyping of social roles based on gender." (source)

As you can see from the broader definition, sexism is so pervasive in our culture that it often goes unnoticed even to the women it most directly affects. While the discrimination brand of sexism is fading rapidly in our culture, anytime a person (or advertiser) displays an expectation, creates a situation, or makes a comment that underscores traditional gender roles, it's technically sexism.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT
Sexual harassment is more generally and readily opposed, being defined as "unwelcome advances made by an employer or superior, esp. when compliance is made a condition of continued employment or advancement." (source)

These days women are increasingly in positions of authority, and it must be noted that they are as capable of sexual harassment as men are. Still, because of sexism it is more often women who are harassed by men in our society. So what is it when the tables are awkwardly half-turned? When the woman is being sexually harassed, but not necessarily by somebody in a position of authority over her? It may still harassment, but it isn't the kind people are inclined to become outraged about (nor the kind you can sue for millions over).

AN INTERESTING BLEND
The interesting thing that we are experiencing now is sexism, less the discrimination factor, plus sexual harassment, minus any overt pressure to be compliant.

It's sexism because it tells us we should strive to be sexually desirable and bask in the glow of any male attention. But it (usually) no longer contains the blatantly offensive discrimination element a la "women are only good for cooking and sex and mothering."

It's sexual harassment because it puts us in an environment which involves unwelcome reference to our sexuality. It can involve flirting, inappropriate touching, relaying overtly sexual jokes or stories, belittling other women in your presence, and so on. But it is less likley to be done by somebody with any authority over you - in fact the offender may be your junior.

REACTIONS- THE PROBLEM
Now I will freely admit I have never been a women who fully opposes traditional gender role expectations. My parents did their best to bring me up a Southern Lady, and while their success level on that front is arguable in many ways, I do appreciate a sincere compliment and polite gesture by a well-intentioned male, in addition to supporting the preference that one's children be raised by a stay-at-home mother and other stereotypical gender roles (though I equally support a woman's right to education and a career too).

And while I think we can all agree that overt and deliberate sexual harassment is unacceptable and offensive, it is less frequently encountered than a more general and - dare I say it - innocent offense. This is why most women laugh off or ignore most forms of "harassment" rather than slapping very many guys in the face.

The problem then becomes that most women actually embrace sexism and do not really even oppose sexual harassment - except when it comes from an undesirable man! I have recognized this hypocricy in myself over the last week:

1. I recently called my (male) handyman to verify that he received my work order and see when he was planning to complete the work. As soon as I identified myself he interrupted me and exclaimed "Well hello there, beautiful lady!"


2. I took my sister to a retailer I frequent to have some alterations done, and the (male) store owner called me by a shortened version of my name, put his arm around me in a sort of a side hug as a "hello" and made a suggestive remark about another woman's breasts during my brief visit.


3. A tenant I was interviewing took to inappropriate flirting and advances, which you can read about here and here.

I was somewhat irritated and vaguely uncomfortable in the face of these encounters, but I brushed each of them with a laugh off rather than confronting or correcting my offender.

Why? I think the real reason I let it go - beyond the fact that I've been socialized as a female to avoid confrontation, to be polite, and to smile - is that these encounters only happened to be unwelcome!

If I were attracted to the handyman/shop owner/tenant - despite the fact that all three of these situations involved business transactions - I would have probably blushed and been flattered by their behavior rather than inwardly cringing. Okay, so the breast comment and the "lady" remark wouldn't have been appreicated no matter what, but you get my point. Furthermore, I bet all three of those men have gotten at least one positive reaction for every three or four women who ignore their behavior, so you can hardly blame them for trying.


Have any of you encountered this brand of sexism? Are you ever torn between being flattered by attention and offended by being viewed sexually? Do you hold men you like and men you don't to different standards of behavior?